Falling like the leaves in autumn

Wednesday, March 26, 2008
4:53 AM

Wed, 26 Mar 2008
Day 33

i feel so depressed.. i was fired from my job yesterday. my boss initially said she wasn't able to squeeze in a shift for me. and i didnt get her at first. when she finally said she cldnt keep me, i gt her straightaway.. according to her, i was lousy. and nt workin up to her expectations. i feel so used.. on my last day of work, she instructed me to do only back kitchen stuff plus clear the dishes outside. and on a tue night when waffles are half price, the shop is packed with customers. it was really hectic.. i shld have known by then why she told me to do kitchen. she doesn't feel safe letting me serve the customers and make the orders. after the shop closed at 10, i had to clean the tables and chairs, polish the hand rails, sweep and mop the floors. she was smart enough to choose a time to fire me when everybody's gone home except one. i teared the moment she disclosed her intentions. and she saw the tears in my eyes.. i had to suck the tears back in. and hide my heartache till i was home. it sucks when u have to pretend u're alright and even laugh on the way home in ur boss's car. i was so dying to go home but we lost our way.

i didnt get my butt home till 11.50pm. i was so bushed. and dirty. i smelled like milk from the waffle batter i made. and i cldnt bathe cos my relatives wld wake up and complain. i cld oni wipe myself. b4 i turn in for the night, i broke down after telling my mum i was fired. she cried with me. we have so many problems.. internal family problems, relative problems, house problems and my job problem. even in bed, i was still crying..

the nxt morn, i felt my eyes all stiff from the crying.. i started crying again.. damn.. why am i so weak? my sis realised i was crying and asked why.. she was shocked when i told her the reason. and my mum.. haiz.. she thought i was kiddin when i said i was fired yesterday. do i sound like i'm kidding to her? after all the tears i shed?!

todae we went to view 4 houses for renting. we saw one in particular that we liked a lot. but u need alot of luck to get rented houses. cos the owner chooses oni 1 family to rent to, out of SO MANY families. later in the evening, my uncle asked my mum how did the viewing go. he saw the tv news that it's realli difficult to rent a house here. one guy cldnt find a house to rent after 5 mths. this is wad my uncle commented, "aiya.. any house will do la.. dun be so choosy. if nt ur go find a hotel to rent la!" it's pretty clear THEY don't want us to stay at their place anymore. actually this wasn't the first time he made his intentions clear to us. they're DYING to CHASE US OUT.. what can i say?

Why? why must we move to australia? =( i'm tired lord.. i'm sick and tired of looking for houses. sick and tired of my relatives' whining.. i wun b getting another job anytime soon for fear of being fired again. i'm tired of us being squashed into 1 pathetic small room. no wonder we always have such a short temper lately. my assignments and projects are piling up. and i'm feeling the stress. to add up, i've a test 2 wks after my tuition free wk is over. i feel like running away.. tell me lord, tell me wad to do..