Falling like the leaves in autumn

Wednesday, July 21, 2010
8:14 AM

Wed, 21 Jul 2010

checked my exam results last wed. scored 2 HDs and 2 Ds.. tot i'll do worse than tt. so yea, it was beyond my expectations =) happy happy!

the nxt day, i went to cut my hair. i tot wilson was going to cut his hair wif me but he ended up just accompanyin me. so i treated him to a sushi lunch at 4.30pm for being so nice lol! cut my hair short this time. tot i needed a change.. after all, i've graduated and just gone thru a break-up. my mum screamed when she saw my haircut - said she LOVED it. my dad said why did it take 22 yrs for me to FINALLY get a haircut tt suits me? haaa! thx pa..

on fri, i went to genting wif my 2 aunts, grandma and uncle. remind me again not to go there wif adults. it was soooo boring. i wish there was somebody around my age or younger that cld go on the theme park rides wif me or play the arcade there. the ride there was bearable. we took the First Class bus coach so there was TV which made it easy for us to pass time. wad i cldnt stand were the toilets in msia. they were all squat bowls. so mafan.. and super smelly too! =X

it was my first time in a casino.. the security guard asked to check my identity card =S the entire time, the adults went to the casinos and i had to tag along cos it wldnt be safe for me to just wander ard on my own. everywhere was soooo smoky. i dunno how one person can actually smoke a cigarette and go on to the nxt without stopping when they're done wif one. i inhaled so MUCH smoke tt i felt sick. i didnt spend a dime on gambling. just felt im throwin my money in the drain. cant win the machine.. my relatives all lost money or only break-even. so wads the point of playing?

so on the 2nd day, i told my aunt tt i didnt wan to enter the casino again so i went to watch an evening movie all by myself - Predators. grandma didnt feel safe leaving me all alone but my aunties convinced her tt i wld b fine. i was wrong to hav watched it alone. all along, i had company when watchin any cinema movies. suddenly i was by myself and it felt weird. wished he cld be there to lighten up the mood, as he always did when it comes to a scary part. i've to do this alone now.. gotta learn to.

ate sooo much. they told my parents they'd take gd care of me in genting. yea.. by feeding me WELL.. honestly, for every meal, i ate till i almost burst at my seams. i joked tt i wld hav put on 2kg by the time i went back to spore. had the BEST tea leaf egg there too.. TWICE.. cos it was soo damn gd.

on the way back, it rained quite heavily. so instead of the usual 6 hrs drive back to spore, it took us 8.5 hrs. i sooo wanted to get out of tt bus, it was FREEZING cold inside. even wif a jacket and my aunty's shawl, i was still shivering. imagine i had to endure tt for 8.5 hrs. hais..

this monday, i went shopping wif michelle b4 meetin up wif the rest of my sec sch friends for dinner. spent $100 all in one day on clothes. whew.. i really can shop. for dinner, we went to our beloved crystal jade xiao long bao at TAKA. sean said tt branch was the best. we ordered quite alot of food. ate our favourite zha jiang mian, xiao long bao and salted egg spinach and prawns! YUMMY~!

we finished our meal when aisuan came.. by then, we had walloped all the dishes. haa... after waiting for aisuan to finish hers, we proceeded downstairs for Hokkaido ice cream =D aisuan and i shared a double scoop ice cream - Peppermint ice cream and Sea salt with caramel.. wad an interesting flavour the latter one.. nv tried b4. but our combination was the worst. it turned out to taste like "Salty Mint" according to the others. which is kinda true. LOL..

the nxt day, i finally caught eclipse wif weixian and mei peng.. oh! i actually bumped into mei peng the day b4 when i was supposed to meet the rest for dinner at TAKA. so qiao.. hehe.. i tot the show was nt tt fantastic. michelle was right. too many kissing scenes and too many close ups. and the climax was too short. hopefully, the nxt 2 movies will be better la! im sure it will.. the strange thing after the movie was tt i tot i saw wl at plaza sing. i only viewed his back but when tt person turned sideways, i realised it wasnt him. i must b tinkin too much. anw, i dunno wad to do if i bumped into him also. tink i'll just pretend i didnt see him.

i tink almost everyone noes abt my singlehood alr. even my aunties. they asked abt him and i was forced to mention our break-up. but they told me, sometimes God works in funny ways. maybe this was all part of his plan for me to find someone better. nth is fixed till u get married.. 3.5 yrs is neither long nor short. so of cos i'd feel the pinch when it all ends. but its better now than later. i hope he made the right decision of ending things btwn us.

been busy lately helping my parents in the office. packing my dad's files into boxes as he's about to move out of his current office. they're going to demolish tt building and build a fusionopolis-like building. tmr i've gotta shred lotsa lotsa papers for him. free labour! haa! but nt w/o gain. gt free food! had ghim moh food 2 days now. the best chweeh kueh is there!

tonight, my dad brought us to kuishin-bo at jurong pt. as a treat for my graduation =) its ladies night on wed. so ladies hav $5 off the normal $39.90 bill. stuffed myself to the brim. ate soo much cold crab. missed the special grilled lobster cos dad wasnt fast enuff haha! only the first 20 pple wld get to hav it. even the strawberry dessert we missed. aiyo.. even tho i was so full, i had to hav my ice cream.. lol. by the time i was done, i tot i was gg to puke. luckily i didnt.. my aunt was right, my appetite had increased ever since the genting trip cos i ate so much, my stomach naturally expanded. thx ah... wad was tt suppose to mean?! but tonight, i cldnt deny tt fact. i had eaten more than my parents and grandma. i was shocked by how much i cld eat. i tot i cldnt eat the buffet's worth.

let's see.. wads the damage done over the wk? 3-4kg perhaps? i dun even dare weigh myself HAHA!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010
8:25 AM

Tue, 13 Jul 2010

just realised im still feelin sad over the break up.. i still miss him. hais.. u noe, i felt so low when i woke up from my dream this morn, cos for that instant there, i tot we were still tgt, then i woke up and realisation hit me tt we're no longer tgt. i was actually thinkin to myself, how nice it'll be if i didnt wake up from my dream..

went out wif sheryl, siew hui and ying hui tonite. had a simple dinner and ice cream for dessert. as always, i had peppermint ice cream. then i rem, he loves peppermint ice cream too. why the hell do i still long for him?! anw, we had a nice long chat, one tt we didnt hav in a VERY long time.. thx sheryl for organising this trip =)

Monday, July 12, 2010
8:49 PM

Tue, 13 Jul 2010

i dreamt of him last night =( of us tgt.. hais.. why must my subconscious mind torture me as well? im alr trying my hardest to nt think of him..

this morn, my grandma just happened to ask me if he still calls me and i said no. she then went on to say if he loves u, it doesnt matter how long he waits for u, be it 5 yrs, 10 yrs.. if he cant wait, it just proves tt he doesnt love u enuff. it's his loss and not urs. i wish my heart wld think tt way..

Mon, 12 Jul 2010

photos from the zhi char dinner.. enjoy!

aisuan and her bf, aidan.. first time introduced to us hehe..

at the multi-storey carpark near the zhi char stall..

as u may have realised, all of us took a photo wif one another.. lol!

had 9 plates of food altogether.. shared among 8 pple! 2 plates of satay treated by aidan, sambal stingray, baby squids cooked wif soya sauce and garlic (ooph! good stuff..), tofu hot plate, deer meat, salted egg prawns (really sinful), fried chicken, kang kong.. so nice to be eating lotsa spore food once im back =) and its cheap too! only $82 for 7 dishes..

Sunday, July 11, 2010
8:12 AM

Sun, 11 Jul 2010

i'm thankful to have such caring friends to help me tide over this difficult time. i try to occupy my time doing other stuff so i wun need to think of him or the times we spent tgt.. but i cant always avoid time alone to myself. when im all alone in my bedroom, i'd randomly think abt him. i'd twist the handle of the beauty and the beast musical box he bought me from his japan holiday trip. i wish i had a happy ending like all fairytales do. i dunno when i'll ever cease thinkin of him in tt way. i bet he's takin it more easily than i am.

The day after he broke up wif me, wilson was nice enuff to bring me out for a movie. Karate kid!!! i tot it was a good movie.. or maybe it was a gd distraction. after tt missed the last train home, had to cab back.. midnight fare sucks =X

The nxt day, i had zhi char dinner at cck wif my sec sch friends =) love the *corrected by sean* baby squids wif soy sauce and garlic. lol.. it was a total of $82 for 7 dishes. quite cheap dun u tink? then aisuan's bf, aidan treated us to 2 plates of chicken and pork satay. was so bloated at the end of it.. soooo much food la~!!!! but we managed to finish phew~~~

Saturday afternoon met up wif ying hui and ming wei for lunch at the coffee club in hotel rendezvous. i finally gt to eat my cheesecake!!! yum yum~ missed catching up wif them. ming wei's right, now there're 4 singles and 3 attached in our clique! lol.. anw, after lunch we were damn full and decided to go to suntec to walk walk. ended up in the arcade there. played basketball, motorcycle, drums, spot-the-difference game. HAHA! the most memorable was when playing one of the spot-the-difference, ming wei was the one who spotted the missing points, and they were all to do wif woman's boobs AHA! after arcade, ying hui went to catch a movie wif her bf and mw and i just walked ard suntec. then i went home, to be taken outside again for dinner at jurong west for zhi char wif family =X AGAIN...

Sunday went for church. met relatives there =) went for lunch tgt at tiong bahru market. we had hokkien mee, tau gua pok (famous there and simply delicious*!), chwee kueh, char kueh tiao, chendol... after lunch, dad bought duck home for dinner, also around that area. not bad lea! im telling u, if i dun exercise soon, im going to put on 2kg!!! ;D

after tt adjourned to my place for mahjong. i won $59.10! my dad, grandma and uncle all lost! my uncle lost everything and even had to fork out more money.. heh heh heh.. they say i so long nv play, this time come back play, all the luck come back. grandma even took $1 from me and topped it up wif another $1 from her to buy 4D. number: 5910. HAA! anyway, no treat from me =p decided to give the winnings to my dad who paid for my $65 genting trip. so technically, i still owe him $7.

well its back to my own room again. trying nt to tink of him.. guess its better to just slp it off. its a brand new wk ahead! gdnite! =D

Wednesday, July 7, 2010
10:36 PM

Thur, 8 Jul 2010

wad a way to start my holidays back in spore.. it seems bad news/sad things are attracted to me nowadays. it's such a contradictory coincidence that when hui kheng and her bf are reunited, mine was just gone in an instant yesterday. i feel like i've dropped to the bottom of the pit and there's no where else but up.

i cant believe he said that the past 3.5 yrs wasnt love. i feel im being played u noe.. all becos of the stupid course he's currently enrolled in, the course that helps u discover wad u really want and solve ur flaws. it has made him more mature and wiser. Yes i agree it has opened one door for him, a better future, but it has also closed another. i feel like cursing the course for making this happen but why wld i still wan to carry on wif a guy who was blinded into thinking our r/s was love and only just realised its not. its better to noe now than suffer a whole lot worse in the future. tho' 3.5yrs is pretty long to me, hence the intolerable hurt.

why wld i wan to be wif a guy who doesnt love me for who i am and doesnt give me the care and concern i'm entitled to? i'm such an idiot for believing it cld work. for all those times he waited for me when i was overseas, i tot he was true to me. not many guys can withstand that period of time. i tot our love was strong. i was wrong. totally wrong. and now my whole world is crashing down becos of him.

he said 2 pple can't be tgt if their expectations and values are different. his expectation is for 2 pple to be physically there for each other at all times. i guess i dun fit that bill. i didnt noe he was so superficial deep inside. Love doesnt need a platform where 2 pple must be physically present!! most guys are superficial PIGS.. wif the exception of my guy friends.

i dunno whether i can believe in the nxt guy i meet. maybe i'll be overly suspicious of his feelings for me. it'll take some serious time for me to get over wl. i noe i'll cry everyday until i eventually get over him. i just wish its quick cos its very painful. i need to get away to calm myself down. so i've agreed to go genting wif my aunties and grandma tho' it'll be weird just going wif them alone.

i dun care if he reads this post and gets upset. for once, i dun wan to care abt his feelings cos he didnt consider mine. why shld i care abt him when i strived to give us a 2nd chance and he chooses to dump it? *knocks my head agst the wall* i just wan to get over him =(

i dun wan to repeat wad i've done in the past after my previous breakups. i dun wan to erase everything i've experienced. i wan to preserve the happy memories, tho' i tink i'll only reminise it after i've forgotten him. so, i've deleted the photos of us in facebook and i'll keep those photos with me in my computer. i'll keep the things he gave me. i dun wan us to be enemies so i promised to continue to be his friend, to be there for him when he has problems. but i dun tink i can do it now. i just need to think of him and i'm down. sry wl but u need to give me some time.. i'm not perfect. goodbye..

Friday, July 2, 2010
9:41 PM

Sat, 3 Jul 2010

i passed my hazard perception test on thursday so now i've gotten my provisional license =) but somehow, i'm nt as elated abt it as going home. its cfm i'll be returning to spore on Tue, 6 jul. wanted to return on sunday - the same day as my mum but it was fully booked. so yea.. cya guys soon!