Falling like the leaves in autumn

Wednesday, July 7, 2010
10:36 PM

Thur, 8 Jul 2010

wad a way to start my holidays back in spore.. it seems bad news/sad things are attracted to me nowadays. it's such a contradictory coincidence that when hui kheng and her bf are reunited, mine was just gone in an instant yesterday. i feel like i've dropped to the bottom of the pit and there's no where else but up.

i cant believe he said that the past 3.5 yrs wasnt love. i feel im being played u noe.. all becos of the stupid course he's currently enrolled in, the course that helps u discover wad u really want and solve ur flaws. it has made him more mature and wiser. Yes i agree it has opened one door for him, a better future, but it has also closed another. i feel like cursing the course for making this happen but why wld i still wan to carry on wif a guy who was blinded into thinking our r/s was love and only just realised its not. its better to noe now than suffer a whole lot worse in the future. tho' 3.5yrs is pretty long to me, hence the intolerable hurt.

why wld i wan to be wif a guy who doesnt love me for who i am and doesnt give me the care and concern i'm entitled to? i'm such an idiot for believing it cld work. for all those times he waited for me when i was overseas, i tot he was true to me. not many guys can withstand that period of time. i tot our love was strong. i was wrong. totally wrong. and now my whole world is crashing down becos of him.

he said 2 pple can't be tgt if their expectations and values are different. his expectation is for 2 pple to be physically there for each other at all times. i guess i dun fit that bill. i didnt noe he was so superficial deep inside. Love doesnt need a platform where 2 pple must be physically present!! most guys are superficial PIGS.. wif the exception of my guy friends.

i dunno whether i can believe in the nxt guy i meet. maybe i'll be overly suspicious of his feelings for me. it'll take some serious time for me to get over wl. i noe i'll cry everyday until i eventually get over him. i just wish its quick cos its very painful. i need to get away to calm myself down. so i've agreed to go genting wif my aunties and grandma tho' it'll be weird just going wif them alone.

i dun care if he reads this post and gets upset. for once, i dun wan to care abt his feelings cos he didnt consider mine. why shld i care abt him when i strived to give us a 2nd chance and he chooses to dump it? *knocks my head agst the wall* i just wan to get over him =(

i dun wan to repeat wad i've done in the past after my previous breakups. i dun wan to erase everything i've experienced. i wan to preserve the happy memories, tho' i tink i'll only reminise it after i've forgotten him. so, i've deleted the photos of us in facebook and i'll keep those photos with me in my computer. i'll keep the things he gave me. i dun wan us to be enemies so i promised to continue to be his friend, to be there for him when he has problems. but i dun tink i can do it now. i just need to think of him and i'm down. sry wl but u need to give me some time.. i'm not perfect. goodbye..